Musing from a Fraud
Ok so let’s see where to start. I feel good and I feel bad, I feel like a fraud. I work, I mother, I present, I interact, I do all the time. I work to stop doing and to be and I am a fraud, I do more to appear that I am doing less. How very ironic is that? I am a fraud. I present myself as confident and as though I am capable and mature, I am a fraud. That is the echo in my head all the time even when I send it away and breathe and all the other stuff I present.
Does this sound familiar? Ever have days like this, hours like this, weeks like this? This is real stuff. This is the first paragraph from my personal journal one day last week. I am not a fraud, I am real. That was real and raw and me. It is all of us some days now isn’t it? We strive, we long, we create and try to be everything to every one and in the process we lose what is vital and most important. Ourselves. When we can’t live up to that “inner bullies” expectations then we feel like a fraud or a failure or some other equally bad label that is not us at all.
This is a raw post to write because it is so real. Which is why I think it is so important to write. It needs to be there – the real- the ick- the lack of self-compassion that creates the goo that we impose on ourselves. I practice active self-compassion and create self-care programs yet if I get caught up in life, I forget briefly. I get lost in the doing, in the activity, in the day to day. I stop living with intention and stop the compassion and care and that negative voice creeps back in and starts whispering “you are a fraud” and I let it- briefly. I am much better these days at catching it- being aware. That is the key – learning the awareness and then making a choice to think a different thought, to treat yourself kindly, to show yourself the care you deserve. My hope for you and me is that as we practice living with intention and self-care and self-compassion it becomes second nature and then we wonder how we ever didn’t treat ourselves like the goddess we are.
I want for us all to live here, now and be kind and treat yourself and others with loving kindness in all the moments. Isn’t that what really makes up life? Moments? We don’t remember a year, or a month or even a day. We remember moments and snapshots and let’s make those pictures beautiful and compassionate and kind even when the world isn’t treating us that way.
I invite you to create beautiful moments today and everyday.
Love and Light